Shawarma --- part I

(also available in Dutch)

Yagshemash! Your columnist went to see Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan, and had a great time. The movie is scathing and caustic, anarchistic, tasteless and dark, and certainly not suitable for everyone, but I laughed my ass off nonetheless. Directed by Larry Charles (also responsible for the gut wrenching laughs of Curb Your Enthusiasm), Sasha Baron Cohen manages to breathe hilarious comedy into the character of Borat. Nothing and nobody is spared, and Cohen's guts and talent for improv are laudable indeed. In a few scenes he pushes the limits to such extremes, that it's a small miracle he managed to walk away in one piece. Check out this movie!

Of course, the obvious question is: exactly who or what is mocked in this movie? And even though the people in Kazakhstan (where apparently no-one ever heard of cultural relativism) seriously think the joke's on them, and even though the movie itself is filled to the brim with typical Jewish humour (that is: Jews telling anti-Semitic jokes), the consensus however seems to be that the movie should mainly be regarded as a searing indictment of those stupid Yankees. Well, isn't that hilarious? Prudish Americans who shy away from a man that tries to kiss them, and who turn out to be terribly anti-Semitic. Duh! --- since when did anti-Semitism qualify as a typical American trait? Did I miss a meeting? I seriously wonder what anti-Semitic streaks Borat would have uncovered had he confronted European intellectuals instead --- they're usually not too fond of Jews either.

And even though some Americans do drop their masks, it seems to me that most of them react in a perfectly decent fashion, and even approach Borat with patience; like he's a naive child that just doesn't know any better. No, the true satire runs a lot deeper, because apart from the few Americans that show their true colours, we are actually looking at a not so flattering caricature of a muslim for almost 90 minutes. Strange how no-one seems to take issue over this.

And during a scene in which an elderly lady patiently explains to Borat what toilet paper is for, the penny drops: multiculturalism, it flashes in my head --- that's what this movie is all about. And more specifically, the dubious notion that a stranger's culture deserves a holy respect, and should be protected from any criticism. Even those nasty xenophobe Americans turn out to be devout practitioners of the multiculturalist faith. Borat confronts them with behaviour they would never accept from a fellow American, but hardly anyone of his victims dares to stand up to him. He can just behave in his backward foreign ways, and no-one even dares to stop him. And even if Borat and his victims reach common cultural ground, it invariably concerns unholy matters that should not deserve any understanding to begin with: anti-Semitism, homophobia and sexism. My two cents is that Cohen (who himself is Jewish) is seriously worried about how the West seems to accommodate the less favourable notions of Islam --- riding, of course, under the flag of this fantastic multiculturalism.

So there we are. Multiculturalism. Let's talk about it.

Multiculturalism has to be the most ignorant non-seller in the Marx's bankrupt estate, and the stupidest ideology from the red land of wonder. It is burdened with the same schizophrenic agenda that typifies any brand of socialism; on the one side we hear hallelujah-stories about a glorious future of equality and compassion for mankind; and on the other side we hear the vindictive oppressed sharpening their knives to gut the evil oppressor. All legitimately, of course. And as much as it is the goal of marxism to destroy Western economics, so it is the intention of multiculturalism to drag Western culture onto the scaffold. We are told that our culture is completely void, meaningless and without worth, and should not dare to claim prevalence over other cultures; not even on its own turf. We are told our culture should step back, and leave room to all that exquisiteness from abroad. Because in contrast to our own culture, these foreign cultures still possess the kind of deep truths and noble humaneness that are so desparately needed to establish heaven on earth.

What comes from afar tastes better --- but of course this only applies to cultures where the standard of living is a lot lower than it is in the West, and where the majority of people are of a considerably darker tone of skin. Therefore, it goes without saying that American culture doesn't count: multiculturalist who go all ecstatic about fried chicken wings from Surinam , will all of a sudden turn away disdainfully when confronted with McDonald's or Walt Disney. This is why an American immigrant is usually described as "a Yankee pothead who smokes his brains out all day long", and an Iranian immigrant gets called "a disillusioned and uprooted person". This is why a portly theatre director from New York is defined as "a woman who obviously hasn't turned down the riches of her country", but an even fatter, yet black-skinned, leader of a troop of Ghanese puppeteers is presented to us as "a wise, powerful and impressive woman; a true Mother of the Earth".

Obviously, the multicultural ideal is nothing new. Mankind has always fantasized about a future in which we all congregate as brothers. But as you may have noticed, this hasn't really happened yet, has it? History shows us time and time again that the brotherhood of man is a romantic illusion at best, without much substance or practical value. Multiculturalism is flawed in much the same way; it delivers a few inspired slogans, and that is it. It offers no practical administrative framework, it offers no quantifiable goals, and it has absoluetly no clue how to implement, regulate or evaluate a multicultural society.

And dare I ask, what in fact IS a multiculture? How does one define it? How do we go about creating one? Is there a manual somewhere that has already proven its worth? And why should a multiculture be able to sustain itself in the first place? There is neither any empirical evidence whatsoever that supports the functionality of the multicultural model, nor does history provide us with any examples of successful multicultures. And even if the multiculture that we wish to implement doesn't immediately self-destruct, how do we assess whether or not the multiculture we created is a successful one? And what about irreconcilable cultural differences? Can they be solved? And if not, doesn't this compromise the whole affair? What are the advantages of a multicultural society, and do these outweigh the disadvantages? And, why would we wish a multiculture for ourselves in the first place? Is it better, higher, more beautiful? And if so, why? No multiculturalist knows how to answer these questions. They usually mumble a bit about "tolerance", "the global village" and "our colonial debt", and that's about it. The 'internal construct validity' of the multicultural model --- that is: the degree to which the model succeeds in creating a unified, measurable and generally applicable handle on the concept of multiculturalism --- is standing on quicksand.

The external validity is equally bad: multiculturalism is far from a proven concept. To put it more bluntly: the multiculture doesn't even exist. Or did you think that you were living in a multicultural society, just because your inebriated discobrains occasionally compel you to buy a shawarma sandwich instead of a bag of fries? Hell no! We've just shopped around all the nice goodies those strangers brought along, and we have conveniently fished out the things we like and grafted them onto the culture that was already there. The Turkish grocer, the shawarma sandwich, the iftar --- but also Argentinean tango and Texas line-dancing --- it has all become a part of our own culture. Foreign cultural assets that seem uninteresting to us, are left untouched.

So in practice it turns out that multiculturalism (or whatever you wish to call it) only exists by the grace of a very shallow interest in other cultures. Multiculturalist have decided that through their sophisticated and arrogant meddling, everything and everyone should be included in the richly textured cultural quilt that they are so keen on sowing together. But the cultural quilt that has been created isn't a multiculture at all. It is just *our* little toy. It is *our* sample plate of exotic textures, colours, images and tastes, which we are free to choose from. All those so-called "other cultures" have first been dragged neatly through our post-modern slaughterhouse, their fashionable relevance assessed, and have finally been deboned, stripped and dried. They have become cute little icons, small styles, sleeves we can put on or off as we wish. Tamed, toothless, and ready to spice up *our* movies, commercials, music clips and cuisine as much as we please.

Paradoxically, it turns out that multiculturalism --- that loves to see Western culture disappear --- only works because our Western culture is so richly developed and textured. Because our own culture has become so all-encompassing, we are able to effortlessly absorb other cultural expressions, and employ them to supply our *own* culture with new and interesting ways to express itself. Multiculturalists are under the impression that this process will deteriorate Western culture, while simultaneously empower and honour the foreign culture, but it's just the other way around: it is Western culture that acquires more meat on its bones and grows even stronger. It's the foreign culture that is left by the side of road like half-eaten roadkill.

Because foreign cultures are not asked a bloody thing. They're not asked about how they feel. They'll just have to put up with the fact that we cut up their traditional dishes with wraps and crabsticks to feed our lust for hip fusion cooking. They'll just have to put up with the fact that their holy war dances end up in a Michael Jackson video clip; that their ceremonial dresses are used to advertise our fabric softeners; that the images of their gods end up as a disposable background in our latest videogames. Multiculturalism exists solely for *our* benefit; to tell *us* how decent we are; to serve *us* as a moral [yardstick] with which to measure up our little self-serving souls. That is the maximum extent of our multicultural interest.

And so: immigrants, allochtones and garden-variety muslims! See and understand! You were only received with open arms to take part as exotic extras in our great white morality play. That is why you need to be watered, fertilized and bound up like a greenhouse flower: you see, you are only politically interesting in the role of the ultimate victim, so that you can be used by white marxists to move white non-marxists to guilt-conscious obedience. Do you understand there are people deriving power from your disadvantaged position? Do you realize that multiculturalists only guard over your interests because you are the cannon-fodder in their battle against bourgeois society? Do you understand that you will not go anywhere in our Western societies as long as multiculturalism is professed by our government? Do you understand that allochtone driving lessons and subsidized Arab subtitles will eventually not help you get ahead even one step?

Normal

(also available in Dutch)

I remember lying in my bed. I was young, five or six years old. The sun came in through the windows, you could hear the gentle whisper of the wind in the giant poplars across the street. A balmy spring wind, it told you. Cool, with the scent of morning. I listen to the sounds of the world behind my window. The coo-ing of the doves on the roof. The peacock in the petting zoo. And far off, ships traveled the river Waal; the low thumping of their engines calm and reassuring. From behind the tree the town church rings its bells. It was a sunday, I knew. In the garden of our neighbors the appletrees blossomed. A cloud of light pink petals covered our gardens.

That is how I remember the sunday mornings of my childhood. Calm and beautiful, saturated in a slow light. Going into town with my father for a cup of coffee in 'De Gouden Leeuw', The Gold Lion. I got a lemonade and knibbled on the coffee cookie my father left for me. I looked outside: on the steps of the church Rieske greeted churchgoers loudly and exhuberantly. Rieske was a boy with Downs syndrome, or, like we called 'm, a Garenvelder. The Garenveld was a sprawling care facility for the mentally handicapped; a phenomenon in the wide surroundings. Their patients, the Garenvelders, decorated the streets. You'd usually see them walking around in small groups; one supervisor with three to five jovially drooling protegés. The 'better' cases, like Rieske, were allowed to wander the town unsupervised.

The towns inhabitants had welcomed the Garenvelders into their hearts; no criticism about them was accepted. People from outside, who dared to joke about 'retards' when seeing Garenvelders, were sternly told off. Our Garenvelders were people too, and even if they were somewhate eccentric in their behavior, and even if they looked kind of strange, they were very easy to live with. The towns inhabitants felt deeply responsible for the welfare and wellbeing of the Garenvelders. At the bakery all customers helped with reading the shoppinglist of a Garenvelder, or with counting the change, and there was always someone to explain to a Garenvelder in which slot of the mailbox a letter could best be posted. And sometimes, when the behavior of a Garenvelder threatened to become too eccentric, the towns inhabitants did not hesitate to intervene: 'Hey Rieske, behave yourself! You call that normal?'

That was less then 20 years ago. But who still knows what is normal? When I walk into my town now, the inevitable conclusion forces itself upon me: The Netherlands is gone and will never come back. The Garenveld, together with the petting zoo and the Garenvelders, disappeared from the town. "Cost-saving decentralisation" it is called. The freed land has been filled to the brim with cheap appartment blocks, predominantly occupied by allochtones; their satellite dishes aimed at a wavelenght they apparently can't find in their host nation. The new suburbs in the west of town, built when I was a kid and at the time fresh and sunny looking, have become depressing and grey. Houses lack upkeep, the paint on window frames flaking and gone, the vandalized busstops not being replaced anymore. Groups of youth hang out with their scooters and spit automaton-like on the ground; the shade of their caps hiding an angry and distrustful expression. Veiled in gray, bent women hurriedly walk by, as if they are running from something, or have to be in before curfew. Is that normal?

One of the bars in town is now managed by what the locals call the 'Turkish Maffia'. Autochtones are not welcome there, except to buy stolen goods or drugs. During the European Championship Football in 2004 a small incident got completely out of hand; an autochtone townsman got into an argument in the Turkish bar and had to flee into the Gouden Leeuw. His attackers were stopped at the door and turned away, only to return with reinforcements. Eventually the riot police had to be called in to clean out the towns centre. The Gouden Leeuw, the café where I used to drink coffee with my father, was treated to a molotov cocktail a couple of days later. Is that normal? And: none of these incidents ever made it to TV news or even the papers --- how normal is that? Because of these incidents the town closed up definitively; the last remains of the old spirit have disappeared. People have become closed, cautious, frightened.

There is a force active in the Netherlands, that lives on this fear; a force that savours tearing apart the textures of traditional society. It is the force of the progressives: it hates contentment, it hates the citizen that dares to be statisfied with his life, it hates the soap bubble of safety that the common man wishes for himself, it hates the tranquility that the status quo gives to the citizenry. This force has always bothered the citizen with so-called progressiveness. Women's Lib, gay marriage, long hairs, legal weed, etc., etc. Ofcourse I have nothing against feminism or gay marriages, but I distrust the motives of the progressivos that all of a sudden feel the urgent need to defend gays or women. These people are not *really* interested in the elevation of humanity, they are only interested in Schadenfreude. Time and again they have laughed at the stupid, frightened bourgois asshole who was forced to tear down yet another one of his sacrosanct views and make sense of something he did not know, did not understand. The desparate fear of the average citizen is the food and drink of the progressive. Self-satisfied he can conclude that he is capable of embracing a world view that is frightening to the average citizen.

Look, you bourgois asshole! See our world, and look at your small, petty bourgois asshole existence. Our world is greater and deeper then yours; our world knows suffering, our world knows hunger and death and violence. Our world knows grand ideals. Our world understands criminals and pedophiles, our world understands terrorists, our world understands everything. That is why we are superior to you and to prove it, we will force our world upon you and we will feed on your fear, and we will laugh as you go down screaming. Because how do you *dare* think you can be content with yourself? Everytime you think you have neared us, we will widen the chasm further. Everything we can find, we will smear in your face; all your certainties we will undermine, everything that makes you feel safe, we will contaminate. Your arch enemies we will welcome cheeringly and house them under your noses. Everything we will take away and we will make sure there is nowhere left for you to turn. If you protest, we will insult and belittle you. If you resist, we will sentence you. We will manipulate you and lie to you untill you have no thought other then the fiery wish to be absolved of your guilt and affectionately seal your own definitive downfall. We will transform your world into a hell; that serves a higher purpose, although we don't have a clue what that purpose actually is.

The progressives have done their destructive work well; with islam as a crowbar they have broken the spirit of the Netherlands for good and are tearing down the last of the traditional structures. Housing, labour, education, manners; nothing is what it used to be. Nothing is natural or obvious anymore, everything has become guilt-ridden and corroded. Who knows what is normal anymore? Who knows anymore what behavior may be expected, or even demanded, from fellow citizens? The average citizen, who time after time tried his or her hardest to adapt, is completely lost. All that he knew has been taken away, all the ways he could arm himself have become powerless. We are made to walk as if on eggs through our own society, yelled at by the propagandists of the progressive congregation, who tell us it is all our own fault.

But there is nothing to reproach. From the way the Garenvelders were included in the town community a lesson can be learned: Citizens are accomodating, there is a lot they can get used to. The Dutch were heartily willing to also get used to their new compatriots. I don't see what more a populations should be prepared to do; in our willingness to adapt we have gone much further then reasonably could be expected from any group of people. Oh, how intensely I hope that this realisation one day sets in, that in the head of my fellow citizens the light rekindles! Surely I can't be the only one that aches for the Netherlands of my memories? How I hope that the (Danish) cartoon brouhaha, that has promptly been used by the PC gestapo to question the freedom of the press, finally makes clear to the Dutch that they've been manoeuvered into a position that is not normal; a position they must not accept. Because you should not enter into a discussion with retards that think that their Allah is more important then your sense of humor; such retards should simply be admonished: 'Hey muslims, behave yourselves! You call that normal?'

(translation provided by kleinverzet.blogspot.com)

True Islam

(also available in Dutch)

Ever since the relationships between the Occident and the Orient have been soured by 9/11, Muslims and islamapologists occasionally mention "True Islam". And "True Islam", ladies and gentlemen, well, it certainly must be something fantastic and awe-inspiring. People go all misty-eyed and gooey just talking about it. How sad it is, they say, that we, dumb frightened westerners, fail to appreciate the beauty of True Islam. No way those terrorist attacks have anything to do with True Islam. Quite the contrary: True Islam shows all of us the way to paradise on earth. True Islam is a beacon of love, tolerance and respect! True Islam will provide the final solution to end world hunger. True Islam will prove to be an effective medicine against cancer, AIDS, angst and nasal infections, yes, True Islam will make men want to fall into each others arms, and weep tears of joy. We could talk about it for hours on end! Oh, how we wish to make it clear to you what heavenly bliss you're missing out on, only because you seem eager to make such a childish fuss about a few accidental bombings. Why won't you accept that True Islam has nothing to do with all that? And then they shake their heads in utter disappointment and disbelief.

But even though I really try, I can never seem to figure out what True Islam really stands for. And that is weird, because there's nothing wrong with my brain, and when it comes to solving problems, it seems to have served me with adequate deductive powers over the years. So, I resort to asking questions about True Islam. I will ask, for example: look, over there! Two towers are hit by airplanes, and look, a Muslim terrorist blows himself to bits! How terrifying! Is that what True Islam is all about? Oh no, you silly person! the islamapologists will respond. This violence has nothing to do with True Islam; you are just afraid because you are not familiar with True Islam. Try and understand the Koran --- then you will learn all about our beautiful way of thinking.

Well, that seems perfectly reasonable, doesn't it? It should not try and judge matters I'm unfamiliar with. Hey look! Here it says all unbelievers should be beaten to death. And here it says that Muslims should do their utmost to spread Islam, even if this means going to war over it. And here it says women are unworthy, and can be beaten if you see fit. And here it says you are allowed to lie to unbelievers, and steal from Jews, and keep slaves. Hmmm, this piece of literature is, shall we say, hardly elevating is it? So is this True Islam, then? No, you silly person! they say. You shouldn't try to understand True Islam by reading the Koran, because only imams and Islamic scribes are able to do that. Non-Muslims who study the Koran will only come to the wrong conclusions. And well, you will never get to know True Islam if you base your understanding on the wrong conclusions, will you?

Oh well, I guess I'll just have to accept that as the gospel truth then, won't I? But maybe I can find out more about True Islam by examining the way in which Islam has arranged for equality between the sexes. Look! A walking blanket with a little spy hole. And look! Women that are beaten black and blue, and women that are stoned to death, and women that are circumcised. And look! The amazing invisible women, fully alienated from social discourse, locked away as they've been inside their kitchen cupboards for over 25 years. And look over there: little Islamic boys who, despite their age, have learned that some day they might have to slit the throat of their mother, wife, sister, cousin, niece, aunt or daughter in order to preserve their honor. Would that be True Islam then? A boiling pot filled with misogyny, cuntfear, and castration anxiety? No, you silly person! they will say. You should listen to those semi-integrated college muslimas that are put into the limelight by your typical radical-feminist-turned-radical-dhimmi intellectuals like Karen Armstrong. These hybrids will explain to you how True Islam regards a woman as a glorious pearl, and how the headscarf is proof that the emancipation of the Islamic female is going great! In fact, there is anecdotal evidence about a certain Teheran woman who went to the butcher all by herself to order three lamb chops, and for this, she was only mildly reprimanded by the clerical council. So Islamic women's lib is doing just fine!

Ah, I see! Well, I guess we're going to have to wait for that one. But in the meantime, let's find out what the Islamic viewpoints on legislation and government have produced so far. Look! Afghanistan! A giant rubble-filled building-site, in which the entire population has to nourish itself off the milk of three goats. And look, there is Iran, where they find it more important to deploy their intellectual resources for developing an atom bomb, rather than quake-proof building constructions. Ow, look! There's beautiful Saudi-Arabia, where people are lapidated and decapitated, and where five families are hauling in oil money by the shipload while the rest of the population is starving to death. Is this then the result of True Islam? Sadistic dystopian dictatorships filled with misery and poverty? No, you silly person! the islamapologists will answer. Those countries obviously have nothing to do with True Islam. Those countries have clearly implemented sharia law in the wrong way, because True Islam will only offer love, riches and mercy for each and everyone! Hallelujah! And just maybe, when we usurp the next country, True Islam will succeed in establishing paradise on earth.

OK, so that's the deal there! But, if True Islam is such a blessing for mankind, perhaps True Islam is best expressed in all kinds of dazzling works of art, or brilliant scientific insights. Look, here we have Islamic Nobel-prize winners --- all six of them, of which one guy actually won the Nobel peace prize for leading a bunch of terrorists for half his life. Oh, and look over there! Islamic art! Thirty-five miles of calligraphed scroll, two jars of clay and a piece of burlap cloth. Wow! And listen! Is that Islamic music? Endlessly repeated moans without harmony or counterpoint? It's almost like Bach, but not quite. And where can I see Islamic technological innovations? Where is the Islamic air and space program? Where are all those Islamic cars, weapons and computer that do not need to be acquired from the perfidious West? No, you silly person! they will say. Don't you realize True Islam is elevated far above earthly matters like music or technology? You shouldn't judge True Islam on a material level; you should look at the higher morality of True Islam. That is something you people in the West might learn a thing or two from!

I'm sorry --- did you say 'higher morality'? In my book, higher morality is a form of insight that soars high above mundane and the vanities of the ego. To me, higher morality should make a person meeker, and more tolerant. To me, higher morality should cause a person to act wisely and profoundly, even, or rather, especially, in crisis situations; that a person under pressure does not instinctively think of himself, but is able to, leaning on his higher insight, maintain a relative outlook.

But what do Muslims under pressure react like? During the times of the riots in Paris, the TV showed footage of four socially challenged persons. Amongst burning wreckage, they leaned out of their car windows, and shouted at the camera: Hey Sarkozy! We're gonna fuck your mother! And last week the news showed us footage from Afghanistan. A tormented village elder expressed his deepest feelings about a fellow villager who, to his taste, conspired with the Americans too much: Hmm, I'm gonna fuck the wife of that bastard! Did you say 'higher morality'? To me, it seems to be more like a form of regression to men's lowest instincts. Isn't this what Islamic phenomena like honor killings and the headscarf are all about? Isn't this what the Islamic preference for corporal punishment and stoning is all about? Isn't this the driving force behind all those terrorist attacks, and the murder of Theo van Gogh? Isn't this the reason why Muslims all over the world are generally extremely quick to resort to battle and violence? I can't see any higher morality. All I can see is a lower morality; reflex actions of an instinct that feels threatened.

Dear Muslims, I really, really try! Please tell me, where can I find the splendors of your beautiful religion? What exclusive Islamic spiritual truths are going to make this world a little better? Where are all the glorious Islamic utopian states, based on Mohammed's enlightened insights? Where can I see the results of the superior morality you so confidently take pride in? And come to think of it, where is Allah? You chime about your faith, yet you wish to take no responsibility for its deeds or its sources. Do you know what I think? I think your True Islam doesn't exist at all. I think your True Islam is exactly the Islam we can read about in the newspapers every day; the Islam we do well to fear. True Islam has nothing to offer when it comes to higher morality. True Islam is stuck and preoccupied with men's most primitive urges; fear, survival, control, sexuality and struggle. Your True Islam is led by the same instincts as a pack of herding wolves. When, oh when, will you find this out?